Simple Living

Well, it's six o'clock a.m. on a Sunday morning. I've been awake for hours and decided to sign in to my blog, something I've really neglected. When I signed in and glanced at the words in my banner regarding living a "simple life," I realized that somewhere along the line recently, my life became complicated and stressful and not so simple. Living the life of an artist is two-fold; it's wonderful in the intense moments of creation and yet stressful when you see the "bottom line" at the end of the month and wonder where your next show entry fee is coming from. Back in the spring of this year I decided it was time to get a "real job." College loans were piling up and health insurance premiums were haunting me. So I took a job with the State of New York working in a drab cubicle all day long and trying to convince myself that I liked it. I wanted to like it, really I did, that would have made things so much more simple. Steady income, health insurance, dental, etc.; it all sounded so good. But at the end of the day, I started to realize that despite all the benefits, I was very unhappy in this non-creative life. So for weeks, I struggled with what to do. Each day I would head off and do it all again knowing that this was helping my family financially, but at what cost? Then one day I started having back pain. I blew it off for a while until it got so bad I decided I better deal with it. My dad took me to the local emergency room after a month of MRI's and X-rays and physical therapy. They gave me a shot of morphine, I don't recommend it, never let anyone give you that terrible drug! Anyway, as I sat there trying to make small talk with my dad and get some simple fix, they informed me they needed all my MRI results right away. So I called my husband and he ran to get the discs and bring them in so the ER doctors could get a better idea of what was happening inside. Then the doctor started asking all kinds of questions, and the mood grew darker. When she returned, I could tell by the look on her face that she did not have good news. "I'm sorry to have to tell you this, but you have a lesion on your spine that is consistent with a tumor. You need to see a surgeon and an oncologist as soon as possible, and don't miss these appointments!" Dark terrifying silence came over me, my dad and my husband. What a shock!! Needless to say, the next month of my life was the most stressful I had ever experienced. Test after test after test and more blood work than you can imagine and nuclear injections...............................life was not so simple at all. Finally came the biopsey surgery and more waiting. The surgeon said it would be another eight days for the appointment and results!!! So off we went again, my Dad, my husband and me to hear my fate. I thought one of the three of us would surely have a heart attack in that small examing room as we waited, tapping our feet and again the small talk trying to pass by each minute until the surgeon came in. Well, I could tell by the look on his face when he walked in that I was going to be one of the lucky ones. As it turned out, he believed, this was all the result of an injury! Perhaps from my beloved karate class...................some answers we will never have, but one thing is for sure; when you go through five weeks of your life not knowing and fearing the worst, you have alot of time to reevaluate how you spend your days on this earth. And so perhaps this was God's way of telling me to look at my life and make adjustments. Perhaps sitting in the cubicle at a computer all day was not what He put me here for. And so after much praying and soul searching, I have to say that the starving artist life is still the best one to live. (Luckily for me, I have the most amazing husband on earth, and so I can return to this life.) I would not wish that month of hell on anyone, but it surely does put life in perspective. So today, I thank God for answering our prayers and blessing me with the most amazing, loving and supportive family anyone could ask for. So it is now time to reinvent myself as artist/mom/wife/daughter/cousin/friend/neighbor and get back to simple living!